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When I was 10 I’m ashamed to admit that my best friend Brian had a poster of one of these above his bed. Most kids back then had a Ferrari Testarossa adorning their wall, but Brian had been to the Scottish Motor Show with his dad and he could think of nothing he wanted more than for his dad to buy one of these crude, tacky, junk heaps. Thank God his father had more sense.

It’s looks like the result of the unholy union of a Range Rover with an FSO Polonez, then it’s had a quality expert from the Kazakhstani government go over it to remove anything that might resemble metal, plastic or paint and replace it with hardened gruel. It’s most likely entirely held together by the snazzy 4×4 decals.

As long as you can get it to last long enough to reach the countryside, it could well be a solution for the fresh air worshipper who wants mainly to drive through cow pats this summer.

Best colour choice: Vomit